“I’m feeling really… tired,” I said to my husband as he brushed his teeth. He looked me in the eye, pulled me into a hug and said, “I know”. My head was really heavy and sore, unable to get the kind of rest it needed from the night’s sleep.
I’m not one to use that phrase lightly. You tend to think differently about tiredness when your loved one has struggled with an un-diagnosable fatigue and weariness for many years.
I tried to rephrase. “Like, my soul feels tired”. Water welled in my eyes.
He sighed, “I know.”
I was trying to tell him that it all feels too hard, the problems and pain I’ve encountered in so many ways this past month were getting too heavy. My inner most being was aching, and I felt weary. I knew he understood.
I was thankful that he didn’t respond trying to solve my problems. Or belittle them. Or tell me to keep going. (Those are ways that I catch myself responding all the time.)
He just listened. He accepted. He comforted.
He finished getting ready to go see a friend, and I crawled back into bed. I wouldn’t be going far today, not with everything I needed to get done. I certainly didn’t have the time to socialise, nor the energy. My weariness was beating me.
As I heard the door close and the car start, my eyes welled up again. I allowed the tears to fall; It was calm and peaceful as I accepted where I was at.
In that moment, 3 verses came into my mind, one at a time.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Matthew 11:28 – 29
“He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.”
Psalm 23:2 – 3
“He says, “Be still and know that I am God”
And then, as I meditated on these words, I felt an urge to turn to Psalm 142. I pulled my bible open, and read:
“With my voice I cry out to the Lord, with my voice I please for mercy to the Lord
I pour out my complaint before him, I tell my trouble before him.
When my spirit faints within me, you know my way!”
As I continued to read through to Psalm 44, my soul quietened. I felt peace. I calmed. I handed over all of the things that were troubling me, and let go.
I asked, “please help me focus on my assignment now”. Because that was something I had to get done. It was something I didn’t have the energy for, or the time, or even the care. But I asked Him to help me, that I may glorify Him in my commitment to my studies.
With a final sigh, I put my bible and prayer journal behind me.
I got up, my head feeling lighter. My heart feeling calmer.
I didn’t come away from that time with all of the answers, nor was I bursting with energy. But I was ready for the next task, and I found myself being much more productive than I had imagined I could be.
Sometimes it’s not about having the answers. It’s just about being heard.
The message version says this:
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28 – 29
Help me in the weariness, Lord.
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