I went grocery shopping with a friend yesterday. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve done so and even then, it was mostly snack runs in college so I’m not even sure that counts. It always breeds a sense of self-consciousness, especially when the friend, unlike you, seems to make wise eating choices.
I really shouldn’t put this all on my friend. It happens regularly when I shop. Specifically, during that time of year when bathing suit season is approaching and I’m going to eat healthy food. The pressure of all the women walking down the aisle, with not only their hair and make-up done, but also alert eyes, makes me start grabbing the kale they’re grabbing in a desperate attempt to do it right.
I feel the urge to be more, to be better about my eating habits than I have been. So I suddenly fall into zombie-like “Grocery Bailey” mode.
Grocery Bailey suddenly falls into a frenzy of healthy food choices. Sure I don’t typically eat Paleo, but let’s grocery shop so that I have no other choice. This is the thought that fills my head. I start frantically grabbing vast amounts of produce and bags of hemp and chia seeds. I didn’t even know you could buy a bag of hemp but at Costco, apparently you can get it in bulk and it will make you healthy. Don’t ask me how to use it. I have absolutely no idea but I’m pretty sure Pinterest can tell me.
The dream of my bathing suit body overwhelms me. I know my husband prefers hearty meals, but salads will be a fun, sexy alternative, right? Salads for every meal! Beautiful, hearty salads! (On a side note, are there actually people who eat salad for dinner? I don’t buy it. Every time I do this, I end up eating an entire batch of cookies to compensate and I am becoming more and more convinced that I’m not alone.)
Despite my lack of enthusiasm for actually eating produce, yesterday, I zigzagged all around the produce departments and came home with lots of white meat and vegetables. I limited the fruit because, you know, sugar. Grocery Bailey walks around feeling superior to the woman grabbing the cereal and spaghetti that, just last week, was in my cupboard because she has an amazing plan to “get healthy.”
Then I get home and collapse as I unload the mounds of greenery into my fridge. I want something to snack on (because all that healthy thinking is exhausting), but nothing is convenient. It all needs to be washed and cut and my counters are full of giant, oversized Costco products.
If you make salads for dinner, I applaud you. Not because you’re making a healthy choice, but because it is more work than making a full dinner. I tried to make a salad once and after three hours of washing and cutting vegetables, I ended up with carpal tunnel and was unable to lift the fork. Is this actually how people get skinny? I’m starting to think their hands are just too worn out from cutting to actually eat.
My fridge is brimming with healthy food. We will now commence a desperate game of, “Let’s Try to Eat All the Produce Before It Expires.” Spoiler alert: We always lose and usually end up ordering a pizza.
For more of Bailey’s thoughts on life, check out her awesome blog The Thin Place
Editor’s note: Not all salads need to take hours to prepare *wink wink* – check out our yummy throw-it-together sweet potato, feta & nut salad